Day 12: Diane Evans

(Or: “Fuck you, Albert”)

I mentioned in my Log Lady post that I’d also be doing a costume from the new season of Twin Peaks, and here she is: Diane Evans.

Although she didn’t appear in the original series, Diane’s been a legend since we first met Dale Cooper as he talked into his tape recorder way back in episode 1:

“Diane, 11:30 a.m., February Twenty-fourth. Entering the town of Twin Peaks, five miles south of the Canadian border, twelve miles west of the state line. I’ve never seen so many trees in my life.”

When we finally get to meet her in the new season, we discover that she’s a stylish badass played by the incomparable Laura Dern. It was fashion-love at first sight for me, between her platinum bob, her leopard-print jacket, and her signature manicure.

Obviously this had to be my actual Halloween costume this year.

(To clear up one thing: I wasn’t actually wearing these costumes at work every day. As fun as that would be, I think my coworkers would have me committed if I waltzed in dressed as Leatherface on a random Thursday. This one, though–this is what I’m wearing today for our annual costume contest.)

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At minimum, you’ll need the following items:

  • platinum wig
  • black eyeliner
  • foundation and concealer
  • neutral blush
  • nude lipstick
  • leopard print jacket/coat
  • plastic bracelets

For extra credit, add

  • cigarette (real or fake)
  • martini glass
  • false eyelashes
  • a multi-coloured manicure (middle fingers are powder blue, ring fingers are red, and all others are a very dark oxblood)

I started off by painting my nails as described above and letting them dry while I watched an episode of Stranger Things (I probably should have rewatched an episode of Twin Peaks, but I was deep into a binge-watch). Next, I primed my face and applied a full-coverage foundation and concealer using a beauty blender.

After priming my eyelids, I lined my upper lashline with a liquid liner, flicking it out into a wing at the edge. For the lower lashline, I used a black eye pencil to line 3/4 of the way across, making sure to keep the line thin. I lazily skipped mascara and instead applied false lashes (I know that most tutorials say that you should use mascara to better blend them, but my eyelashes are already black, so I don’t find that it’s a problem). For the lipstick, I mixed together a pink-y nude and a purple-y nude to get the right shade (which is fitting, given that Lynch had to custom-make Diane’s lipstick shade). I finished off the makeup by applying a small amount of neutral blush on my cheekbones. (Unfortunately I’m not as gifted in the cheekbone department as Laura Dern is. Sad.)

I couldn’t find a wig that was quite the right length, so instead I cut an existing wig to approximately the right length (her hair is actually shorter, but I didn’t want to cut too much and ruin the whole thing). Considering that I cut it with kitchen scissors while wearing it, I’m kind of impressed at how well it turned out… and, frankly, that I didn’t accidentally cut myself or any of my own hair.

For the outfit, I wore a not-entirely-accurate blouse just because I like it and the print seemed Diane-y, topped with a leopard print jacket. I accessorized with two vintage bracelets, a martini glass, and a fake cigarette.

Let’s rock.

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Programming note: As much as I’ve loved doing these posts, I need a little break. I won’t be posting tomorrow, but I’ll be back on my regular Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule starting this Friday (Nov 3).

  1. […] With Me, the Psych episode that parodied Twin Peaks, and even the SNL skit; dressed up as multiple characters throughout the years, including Dale Cooper, but annoyingly I can’t seem to find a good photo […]

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